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Missing Your Period: A Modern Take on Punctuation

March 5, 2019

 

When I was in school, back in the 1800s, grammar and punctuation didn't always come easily to me. I know you're thinking, "But you were an English major in college!" Or maybe you weren't thinking that because why would you know that?

 

Anyway, I was an English major in college, but just like some engineers build bridges that fall, I sometimes don't know where a semicolon goes.

 

Our kids have it much harder today. Not only do they have to learn the "old" ways with rules constantly changing (I still miss that extra space after a period. Thanks a lot, Twitter), they have the rules of mobile communication to deal with.

 

Their little brains know that "ur" in a text must translate into a "you're" on a school paper. Emojis have completely replaced entire words on their phone that they have to TYPE OUT in school. And unfortunately their hands don't automatically autocorrect as they're writing something out - so we're raising a generation of kids that will never be able to play scrabble.

 

 

Back to the punctuation.

 

Punctuation has become its own separate language. If a sentence is followed by an exclamation point, you might be excited or angry, but because it's typed out in a medium that doesn't convey emotion...that could go either way. Commas are completely gone (who would waste time with a comma?). Is there even a semicolon option?

 

And then there's the period.

 

Whether or not a period is included in a text says more about what someone is trying to say than what they're actually saying. And I think think this it truer for women than men. For men, many times the lack of punctuation is laziness.

 

For women, it's a VERY calculated part of what they're trying to say.

 

 

Here's an example.

 

It would be great if you would empty the dishwasher!

 

Now, that exclamation point means she would really appreciate it.

 

It would be great if you would empty the dishwasher.

 

That means, "I've had a long day and you would be wise to get this done."

 

 

It would be great if you would empty the dishwasher

 

At this point, the lack of period means you NEVER empty the dishwasher, you loafing idiot, and whether or not you take action at this point could determine the course of your relationship.

 

And let's talk about "okay."

 

  • If a woman sends you "okay!" she's totally on board with whatever you're saying.

  • If she sends you "okay." that means she's doubtful that you're correct.

  • If she sends you "okay" that means she doesn't want to do whatever it is that you're suggesting.

  • IF SHE SENDS YOU "K" ...RUN.

 

I know no woman who sends a "K" without a period and does it with love in her heart.

 

If you're a man reading this, I hope that this helps a little and that you're grateful for the fact that your brain just plunks down what you're trying to say without a second thought. Because now you know that women around the world are struggling with which "okay" they're going to send when you've suggested going to Monster Jam this weekend.

 

And if she's missing her period...you could be in more trouble than you initially thought possible.

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